> Trap of unsaid words 
scratches unseen wounds; more pain 
equates less power, hence unsaid 

 
 

At times, we're full of words in our minds but when we get the chance to say, we choose not to. This choice differs based on situation and reason but in the end we're left with unsaid words which keep accumulating, causing distractions, sometimes hurting, causing emotional pain which in turn can affect the power to compose and say more things efficiently. This sort of loop does ends but remains incomplete, just like the above Haiku.

Haiku #1 - Incomplete

> Away from my old self  
still fighting my old decisions  
No, I'm not dwelling in my past  
just regretting the shit I've become.  
&nbsp;  
Day-in, Day-out, I cried all day  
Day-in, Day-in, I still cry all day  
any difference I ask?  
Tears now go the opposite path,  
and scars, the inner skin.  
&nbsp;  
So, what went wrong?  
Is it all on me? Or was there anyone else?  
I might ask, but I won't,  
that's just out the scope for me  
because I can patch a bleeding  
but not a faulty water tap.
 

   





What went wrong?

> Days inside the dungeon of thoughts 
to work for the greater cause 
with logs of stress saving on my memory 
and tints of tensions blocking up my vibes, 
asking me to stop the time. 
 
I crave for things light years away 
maybe dead, they encourage me to stay afloat, 
guide me to a better place 
with me and my favourite star, trailing on some galaxy's range 
turning towards a never ending game. 
 
I wait for nights to come, 
wish to clouds to shun away from my sight 
so that I can look at sky, 
convey to Arcturus my typical "Hi", 
and have all my tension relieved. 
 
In summer it's always on top of my head 
In winters, does the 4am call to exhibit its presence, 
this red giant made me believe in forever, 
showed up when the world had forgotten, 
It will be there even when I won't be here.

To you, Arcturus 🌟

> There's a home down the lane 
where lights are future and talks are past, 
tenants are invisible, silence is endless 
and neighbors keep their distance. 
 
There's a patch of land few blocks ahead 
it's glowing at its peak 
but what's the occasion, tells no one 
with tears outside and shallow soul. 
 
There's a multistorey building few miles away, 
it's filled up like there's some sale's going on 
where buyer pays a lot in lottery of life 
and still comes out helpless, sometimes breathless 
 
There are millions of families around me 
playing games within their homes, 
of hiding out their mammocked selves 
while puzzling down to get upbeat lives.

&NewLine; 
&NewLine; 
Quoting from one of TVF's Qtiyapa episode, "I'm Stunned", just to express the feeling while also trying to gain little fun energy to keep up with everything happening. My known ones fighting hard with this pathetic disease and system, losing their lives. My friends, classmates trying to power themselves to fight the loss of their closest ones. And all others trying their best to stop these mishappenings. Victory isn't possible now, only the extent to which this disaster will go can be controlled **if** identified on time.

Lost Us: Covid times

Got no words to describe mother earth 
yet so many thoughts to talk about.


>Legend has it, she's the only known mother of billions of children, 
was born billions of years back 
on the occasion of the big bang. 
 
She had several mood swings that changed her dynamics. 
Some say it's a protection mechanism, 
and some say the children were mischievous. 
She provides nutrition to them in every possible way, 
with minerals, trees, air, and life, 
that sometimes in the process, nothing lefts aside for her. 
 
She's a fine mother, with capabilities so strong 
that other parents sneak on her skills 
finding ways to destroy her world. 
Little knowing she's actually hurt, extremely injured 
because of her over-loved children who couldn't care less of her, 
and couldn't care more about their selfishness. 
 
With war wounds all over the body, 
exorbitant production of unhealthy hormones, 
she's losing the mechanism to stay intact. 
Her friends say she's stressed 
to a level, they've never seen in the neighborhood 
but they fear to help, fear to listen, thinking it's contagious. 
 
She's calling for peace, crying for sanity, 
wants to fight her outer demons 
who turn out to be her own children. 
So she's scared of her body now, 
thinks of escaping this crust sometimes, 
creating a whole new tribe or living a lonely life. 


Earth day is one of the most important days of the year for me because of certain changes that happened to me on this same day a few years back which made me grow more closer to mother earth.
And so for the same reason, I do a lot of things different for which people call me bit crazy about whole climate change, environment-sensitive scenario. I'm all okay with it, but what I'm not cool about is how people ignore climate change, every second there's a fire going on in some forests around the world, there are animals and plants in oceans dying because of plastic, millions of tons of glaciers melting every hour, all leading to severe changes in the environment, our lives, our future and there's just one thing common in all - We, humans.

Yes, I agree that governments should make policies to prevent things that contribute to this disastrous change but I don't care if governments are doing something or not regarding this issue. Governments may run their country but it's us, humans who collectively take the grace of mother earth. Each person, without even spending money can do a lot of things to save water, trees, electricity, air, and whatnot.

Please, either adapt or plant a tree daily or do both.


Happy Earth Day! 🌍

Mother Earth

This one's for Chester Bennington's 45th birthday. 

> People don't break down 
when only papercuts are left 
in this castle of bones, 
they come one step closer 
to the forgotten relations 
searching for the end, in the end. 
They don't push themselves away 
when sun stops rising up 
and catalyst of life starts fading away. 
They burn their emotions with heavy heart, 
silent cries and fainted smile 
and wait for a million stars to shower light. 
Is it the bleeding that hurts 
or the pain that's easier to replace with breaking habits, 
or it's the vase of feelings that gets victimized 
when wrapped in a fragile tinfoil of memories 
travelling the invisible road of empty spaces, 
can you answer, you robot boy? 


Happy 45th Chester. Your voice, songs, and passion is alive and most probably making you feel proud. You're greatly missed. 

Also, please answer the above question. 

Thank you for the support, Chester.

What's all this robot boy? 

One of my sisters got married recently. Being one the closest cousin to me, the last part of this whole wedding process got me pretty sad.

This I'm writing because I could not get a proper goodbye from her(just the circumstances).
 
 
>She goes places and turn 'em palaces 
eats food like no one's watching 
still so small like a fairy kid. 
She talks stupid but things of love 
adjusts everywhere, she's very flexible 
I believe she'll be happy in her new beginning. 
 
I'll miss watching movies with her, 
when she used to hold me to hide from ghosts 
asking questions on questions like I built the roles, 
crying together in emotional scenes, 
giving laughable expressions occasionally 
and laughing worry free even with shit load of work. 
 
She shouts "bhai" when she meets 
and hugs hard as if we were times apart 
it's love in purest form I say, 
until I pull her hair like some strings 
and make her fun with others 
then it's cute, stupid, fake angered face. 
 
She's a powerhouse of all-rounder skills, 
her creative brain did all my paintings, 
she sings as if being trained by Goddess Sarasvati 
and dances like a beautiful peacock, 
shops like a lost raider 
and cares for all like Maa. 
 
Maybe I'll just wait for her to come home 
with her idiotic, creative brain and endless love. 
I'll forever be in debt for the support she provided 
in the worst of my life and best of the times, 
so I believe the same from my side, 
for now she has left her home, following life's guide.

 
I'll never be able to say her on face without crying how much I love her. 
 
 
Hope we cousins go on a trip real soon.

And she left her home

Do you remember that water-glass analogy where we&#8217;re supposed to be optimistic, saying that glass is half filled. If I apply that analogy to 2020, I swear the person will see the worst of me. We&#8217;re just 4 months into 2020 and it is treating us excruciatingly like we&#8217;re in some worst place. Looking at the remaining months feels like a complete torture. I mean, who likes slow death?



In December 2019, we were excited as hell to leave past everything and welcome to-be-called the best year. First, the breathtaking Australia&#8217;s bushfire killing more than <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/11/world/australia/fires-animals.html">500 million animals</a> , then talks of World War III, countries throwing missiles on each other they&#8217;re playing dodge ball, then WHO declared Covid-19, a pandemic which made(still making) whole world go down, economically, mentally and physically. Whole world is in a lock down, people can&#8217;t meet their loved ones, some are even losing their loved ones. These are very few of the so many worst things happened till now. Oh Yes! Many influential, respected and incredible people made their way to a much more peaceful place leaving us all in grief, Kobe Bryant, Gene Deitch, Irrfan Khan to name a few. And not just them, at the time of writing this, 218500+ people have died because of Covid-19 and I&#8217;m numb now. And the reason I&#8217;m writing this post, well Irrfan&#8217;s death is a huge shock and is personal for billions of people. That man battled almost all his life, earned what not but he never forgot his roots. Yes, I never met him but he was(can&#8217;t believe writing &#8216;was&#8217;) one of the most versatile person. My cousin used to tell us when we were kids that Irrfan is uncle to his friend and that gave me chills then. He lived every role to the fullest in reel life but not in his real life. His hard-work, decency, lively character and passion will live within us till we&#8217;re alive.



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"> Aadmi ka sapna toot jata hai na, toh&nbsp;aadmi khatam ho jata hai.(When a man&#8217;s dream is broken, man&#8217;s life gets finished.) &#8211; Irrfan Khan</blockquote>



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter is-resized"><img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWwimmyXsAAiLMP?format=jpg&amp;name=medium" alt="Image" width="400" height="403"/></figure></div>



I just was having those feel-good moments, and lost them again. I&#8217;ve always waited for dooms day and now, I&#8217;m impatient and probably calling God or whoever is running this simulation of life to just end it, enough of this. Positive-negative is not balanced right now. Yes, there are certain good news regarding climate but it doesn&#8217;t matters now. Earth needs some rest.



I seriously got to say a lot of things to the worst year aka 2020 but just can&#8217;t, so I&#8217;ll finish this off with- &#8220;wubba lubba&nbsp;dub dub&#8220;.