This one's for Chester Bennington's 45th birthday. 

> People don't break down 
when only papercuts are left 
in this castle of bones, 
they come one step closer 
to the forgotten relations 
searching for the end, in the end. 
They don't push themselves away 
when sun stops rising up 
and catalyst of life starts fading away. 
They burn their emotions with heavy heart, 
silent cries and fainted smile 
and wait for a million stars to shower light. 
Is it the bleeding that hurts 
or the pain that's easier to replace with breaking habits, 
or it's the vase of feelings that gets victimized 
when wrapped in a fragile tinfoil of memories 
travelling the invisible road of empty spaces, 
can you answer, you robot boy? 


Happy 45th Chester. Your voice, songs, and passion is alive and most probably making you feel proud. You're greatly missed. 

Also, please answer the above question. 

Thank you for the support, Chester.

What's all this robot boy? 

One of my sisters got married recently. Being one the closest cousin to me, the last part of this whole wedding process got me pretty sad.

This I'm writing because I could not get a proper goodbye from her(just the circumstances).
 
 
>She goes places and turn 'em palaces 
eats food like no one's watching 
still so small like a fairy kid. 
She talks stupid but things of love 
adjusts everywhere, she's very flexible 
I believe she'll be happy in her new beginning. 
 
I'll miss watching movies with her, 
when she used to hold me to hide from ghosts 
asking questions on questions like I built the roles, 
crying together in emotional scenes, 
giving laughable expressions occasionally 
and laughing worry free even with shit load of work. 
 
She shouts "bhai" when she meets 
and hugs hard as if we were times apart 
it's love in purest form I say, 
until I pull her hair like some strings 
and make her fun with others 
then it's cute, stupid, fake angered face. 
 
She's a powerhouse of all-rounder skills, 
her creative brain did all my paintings, 
she sings as if being trained by Goddess Sarasvati 
and dances like a beautiful peacock, 
shops like a lost raider 
and cares for all like Maa. 
 
Maybe I'll just wait for her to come home 
with her idiotic, creative brain and endless love. 
I'll forever be in debt for the support she provided 
in the worst of my life and best of the times, 
so I believe the same from my side, 
for now she has left her home, following life's guide.

 
I'll never be able to say her on face without crying how much I love her. 
 
 
Hope we cousins go on a trip real soon.

And she left her home

Do you remember that water-glass analogy where we&#8217;re supposed to be optimistic, saying that glass is half filled. If I apply that analogy to 2020, I swear the person will see the worst of me. We&#8217;re just 4 months into 2020 and it is treating us excruciatingly like we&#8217;re in some worst place. Looking at the remaining months feels like a complete torture. I mean, who likes slow death?



In December 2019, we were excited as hell to leave past everything and welcome to-be-called the best year. First, the breathtaking Australia&#8217;s bushfire killing more than <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/11/world/australia/fires-animals.html">500 million animals</a> , then talks of World War III, countries throwing missiles on each other they&#8217;re playing dodge ball, then WHO declared Covid-19, a pandemic which made(still making) whole world go down, economically, mentally and physically. Whole world is in a lock down, people can&#8217;t meet their loved ones, some are even losing their loved ones. These are very few of the so many worst things happened till now. Oh Yes! Many influential, respected and incredible people made their way to a much more peaceful place leaving us all in grief, Kobe Bryant, Gene Deitch, Irrfan Khan to name a few. And not just them, at the time of writing this, 218500+ people have died because of Covid-19 and I&#8217;m numb now. And the reason I&#8217;m writing this post, well Irrfan&#8217;s death is a huge shock and is personal for billions of people. That man battled almost all his life, earned what not but he never forgot his roots. Yes, I never met him but he was(can&#8217;t believe writing &#8216;was&#8217;) one of the most versatile person. My cousin used to tell us when we were kids that Irrfan is uncle to his friend and that gave me chills then. He lived every role to the fullest in reel life but not in his real life. His hard-work, decency, lively character and passion will live within us till we&#8217;re alive.



<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"> Aadmi ka sapna toot jata hai na, toh&nbsp;aadmi khatam ho jata hai.(When a man&#8217;s dream is broken, man&#8217;s life gets finished.) &#8211; Irrfan Khan</blockquote>



<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter is-resized"><img src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWwimmyXsAAiLMP?format=jpg&amp;name=medium" alt="Image" width="400" height="403"/></figure></div>



I just was having those feel-good moments, and lost them again. I&#8217;ve always waited for dooms day and now, I&#8217;m impatient and probably calling God or whoever is running this simulation of life to just end it, enough of this. Positive-negative is not balanced right now. Yes, there are certain good news regarding climate but it doesn&#8217;t matters now. Earth needs some rest.



I seriously got to say a lot of things to the worst year aka 2020 but just can&#8217;t, so I&#8217;ll finish this off with- &#8220;wubba lubba&nbsp;dub dub&#8220;.

To 2020

<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">With a muffler around the cold neck jacket covering the big-little shivering body Shoes hiding the wounds of war, war with himself, to be ahead of life, He went out for another try, at yet another destination thinking of getting accepted by the rulers of this world.Walking on the congested roads he saw his past, running barefooted to achieve dreams, rather impossible. Calling it the journey experienced by a few, he catches upon a thought with a cup of hot tea, as in his thoughts he&#8217;s building a cute little home.He brightens the lights, darkened by others, tries everywhere he can be a possible asset sure gets empty handed, but has not emptied hopes, he makes way to his rented chawl figuring out father&#8217;s untouched notes he puts down the muffler and prepares for another shot.</blockquote>











With hopes, deserving dreams by Jashn Maloo

With hopes, deserving dreams

<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"> Theoretically I am dead inside driving myself an emotionless ride hiding behind an upbeat self I’m looking for my bluebird, on this lonely island of nothingness. Some say it’s far in life lessons, some found it in nearby American basins eating those problematic insects, carving home in chancy surroundings to compete the presence of starlings. Don’t know what these signs resemble but they do prevent my hopes to tremble, suggesting me to stop the ride inclining my faith towards the search as I bonded it to revive myself. </blockquote>







Searching my bluebird &#8211; Jashn Maloo







<pre class="wp-block-verse">Bluebird, native to North-America is usually perceived as a symbol of joy and happiness in many cultures around the world.</pre>

Searching My Bluebird

<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">Throw me under your shoes and watch me growing below that hit me hard,&nbsp;do the required abuse and wait for my move, beneath your hat.&nbsp; Wash my&nbsp;goodness, curse&nbsp;me hard I&#8217;ll cure myself, got strong wishful&nbsp;stars don&#8217;t let me write,&nbsp;push me in my graveyard I&#8217;ll sneak out of coffin,&nbsp;got peace for your filthy&nbsp;wars.&nbsp; Desert my surroundings, deteriorate my growth I&#8217;ll track every step back, making myself independent limit the quasars enlightening my success oath this I assure, I won&#8217;t be less confident. Stop the happy rain, falling for my dreams&nbsp; gonna tell the world, how incredible a teen can be cut my roots, burn my rhymed reams on the portrait of your&nbsp;regressive ideas,&nbsp;I&#8217;ll plant a tree.&nbsp; <cite> </cite></blockquote>



![achievement](https://images.pexels.com/photos/6945/sunset-summer-golden-hour-paul-filitchkin.jpg?cs=srgb&dl=pexels-snapwire-6945.jpg&fm=jpg)










 &#8211; Enlightening myself by Jashn Maloo

Enlightening myself

<pre class="wp-block-verse">I'm lost in this pool of strong negative energy it pulls me from the cosy mind saying "there's a surprise" not actually telling me the terms and conditions applied. Being naive, with amaze,&nbsp; I&nbsp;always accept this surprise thinking of getting some productive thoughts But as soon as I touch the surprise it feels like I'm trying to swim in the pool full of negativity. At some random moment always, I start drowning helplessly. I shout on a regular basis "Help, Help, Please help!" Yes I do get some help everytime, kind of opposite nature. They pour bucket full of useless advises and taunts on me making my consciousness, dead. Far away a friend, always sees this, She comes, pulls my unconscious body and while chanting some mysterious mantras, puts me on the mattress, in a stable way. I am thankful for this friend "the sleep" for saving me each time. A Curious question arises, Aren't these surprises life-threatening? Obvious answer is yes, but effective one, definitely no! The more I'll swim, the more I'll learn. Every-time I find new places to drown while preventing the previous ones. This way I'll get rid of the surprises I'm&nbsp;getting in vain, because once the unsafe places got discovered, there'll be no place to swim. In such case, happily, I'll&nbsp;come out of this pool, in the shower of positivity, rejoicing every moment. I'll ban the entry that pool, after all it's my fully&nbsp;conscious&nbsp;system, the only thing in my coverage, but till then, let's drown! </pre>



I wrote this poem in a bad time, when I was surrounded by negative energy. I kept writing this poem without stopping for a second. It might seem negative, but it&#8217;s not! This poem gives me hope that everything will be fine one day and I just have to go with the flow(I thank Issy for teaching me this).

Pool of negative energy

<pre class="wp-block-verse">Back to the polished times I made one, and lost another, in the mist of time where best ones are separated to break hearts and, nerves collecting the emotions in a secret drum, filled with excuses and role-plays of "I'm busy", and "I'm here". Fake dimension, fake people, fake fancy, certainly get the limelight for betraying one more bug of human Trust, friendship and care. And what left behind is, broken parts of hearty wisdom sticking to the isolated jar of loneliness, unstoppable inner cries demanding nothing, but more fancy friends to break one more time, bursting, into an emotionless 'happy' bug</pre>



<figure class="wp-block-image is-resized"><img src="https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-1024x683.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-578" width="454" height="302" srcset="https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-300x200.jpg 300w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-768x512.jpg 768w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-320x213.jpg 320w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-640x427.jpg 640w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-360x240.jpg 360w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-720x480.jpg 720w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-1080x720.jpg 1080w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-800x533.jpg 800w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-1280x853.jpg 1280w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends-272x182.jpg 272w, https://jashn.xyz/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/friends.jpg 1920w" sizes="(max-width: 454px) 100vw, 454px" /></figure>



So this might be one of my most negative poem. Truth is, I&#8217;m tired of all these friendships(with very few exceptions(any doubts? contact me)). Whom I used to call my best friends, best people are nowhere to be seen now, as if I never existed or maybe everything was just fake. One more reason is, sometime they ignore me, then I ignore them, it&#8217;s like a mutual reaction of something really complicated in which I generally end up overthinking(totally fine with me, until I start sharing such things here *lol*). I miss their support, love and talks but there&#8217;s nothing I can do. You know that feeling when only one person tries and you feel like where&#8217;s my other hand? I want to clap. All I learnt is to not keep expectations from anyone and you&#8217;ll remain happy. P.S. Work of my half-unconsciousness So, I really appreciate if you were there in your friend&#8217;s good and bad times and are still with him/her. Trust me, it&#8217;s the best one can do and it really feels great and generates smile, the true one. Thank you and sorry for reading and yeah, You&#8217;re The Best !



Image source : Photo by&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pexels.com/@wildlittlethingsphoto?utm_content=attributionCopyText&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=pexels">Helena Lopes&nbsp;</a>from&nbsp;<a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/backlit-dawn-foggy-friendship-697243/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=pexels">Pexels</a>