My Guard Always Up

 

My Guard Always Up

I sit here in the corner not wanting to breath
I feel like I have no one here to protect me
Hearing my mother scream and shout
Makes me wonder what I am about
I try to fight away the tears
But all they do is break free
I put on a smile and pretend to be happy
But all it does is tears me apart
I don’t have a dad to tell me it will be ok
All I have is my dreams to bring me fear today
My mom says I do not respect her
I have a hole in my heart and it won’t heal faster
I lye in bed hoping not to wake up
but every morning I put on a mask and pretend my life is gallup
I ask myself, will I ever be happy?
But right now it is crappy
Thinking my mom does not love me
Hurts me more than expected
Should my life turn around for the better
I hope so, but I wouldn’t bet on it
Where I am right now is with my guard up
Not letting anyone get a look
I won’t share my life with others,
but I dread some might see
I cry myself to sleep
And pretend to be free from this world we call our home

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